Michael KwayisiΞ

Meet the Afrogrammer a.k.a. African Programmer

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The African programmer is an intriguing creature. He has many years of experience with C++, Java, C#, PHP, Visual Basic, HTML, JavaScript, Python, and Perl.An intriguing binary creature; a master of the art

The African programmer, or Afrogrammer, is an intriguing binary creature. He has many years of experience with C++, Java, C#, PHP, Visual Basic, HTML, JavaScript, Python, and Perl. He is an expert in regular expressions, design patterns, multi-threading, MySQL, Oracle, SQL Server, .NET, JDK, Zend, XML, UML, IIS and Apache. Also, he is excellently adapted to agile, waterfall, v-model, scrum, spiral, iterative, test-driven, and extreme programming methodologies. As part of his final year project requirements at the university, he solved the 3SUM problem in subquadratic time, proved that one-way functions exist, and established the relationship between BQP and NP. The Dean of Faculty wrote a letter of apology to him on the day of graduation—when he was awarded a first-class degree—for not having a higher form of classification.

In addition to everything else, he is one of the greatest hackers alive because he knows up to 7 different Unix shell commands, and has been running Ubuntu for the past 21 days albeit in a virtual environment he seldom boots. To him, the editor war between vi and Emacs is senseless because those involved are not enlightened enough to realize that Visual Studio is the way to go. He has 99 Github repositories, 98 of which he forked and the other being a Ruby exercise he completed from a 3-page PDF tutorial. He can develop his own operating system over a weekend provided he can get a jQuery plugin containing the function makeOS(). If he doesn't understand your code, then it's surely spaghetti; he'll therefore put some parmesan cheese on it and have it for dinner!

Enough said. He is probably the author of this article or the reader who is currently laughing, shamelessly showing all of the 44 teeth in his mouth. Well, this piece is not to give you just a peek into the world of the African programmer, but also to reveal the depth of knowledge and discernment he has, and how well he knows what everybody else doesn't know. Yes, indeed, if programming is an art, then the African programmer is certainly a master of it. The next section of this article is an excerpt from a programming thread on Nairaland, which is intended to broaden your understanding of this amazing intellectual. Although many of the replies posted herein are edited, the messages they convey, grammar, and typos are left intact.

Beaf vs Mobinga: The cookie war of 2012

life_style:

Hi, I stumbled on a Website that can run without Internet Connection. If you considered it a joke then think over it, Its an Indian website dedicated to one of their past hero - Rajni

The Special thing about it is that it only runs without any Internet Connection using a complex algorithm which keeps an eye on the flow of data packets between two hosts. The website is created in Flash.

quote from the developer "After a few iterations and testing, we cracked the code required to build the world's first website that runs without the internet "a website that runs offline" which is as awesome and unbelievable as miracles and stunts associated or performed by Rajni himself,"

here is the site have fun : www.desimartini.com/allaboutrajni.htm


Beaf:

Not correct.

It uses HTML5 offline storage. This link will help:
http://www.html5rocks.com/en/tutorials/offline/whats-offline/#toc-html5-offline-storage


Mobinga:

Check this out too http://www.onehourpersecond.com/
HTML 5 is dopee, but very vast and time consuming.


*dhtml:

Even without HTML5, i have done sites like that before na. Once the site loads, cache all the pages into arrays. So on clicking anything, the stuff comes up wether you ave connection or not - and this was like 5 years ago. Of course, it is smoother with HTML5.

But no big deal sha. These dayz, we are talking of complex web apps that pull data from here and there in real time. A small example is the NSE API i made on www.nse.dhtmlextreme.net - i ave to pull data across servers. . . .and provide like real-time data that autoupdates everynow and then


Beaf:

But your arrays would have had to come from the server, except the arrays were saved to cookies. In the website we are discussing, the entire thing is saved to a client side database, so you never need to make a trip to the server.

HTML5 offers the following clintside storage mechanisms:

  • Application Cache
  • Database Storage (SQL)
  • Local Storage
  • Session Storage

You can even close your browser, or switch off the computer totally. When you crank up again, the website will still be there, even without connecting to the web. HTML5 is a new beastie that in time, should overthrow most functions of lighter web frameworks like PHP and Classic ASP.


Mobinga:

Cookies? How is that even possible for saving that much of data?

Seems not practically feasible see the RFC specification;


Beaf:

Its wrong to talk for the sake of it, sir. Do you know anything about the website *dhtml is talking about, how much data there was, in what format it was saved, the size of the website etc? Or are you just emitting gas as usual?
In the pre-HTML5 World, cookies were the only clientside storage mechanism available to the developer, browser cache doesn't qualify. Do you know of any other clienstide storage mechanism *dhtml could have used?

Please take your crap to people at your level. Thank you.


Mobinga:

Oh please shut up you fool, talking for the sake of it? You're talking of saving arrays containing contents of a page to cookies? I'm saying it's not even practically possible to do that, given cookies are a max of 4096 bytes. So he would save bits in one array, append then jump to the next cookie, append? Dunce.

Besides, when did you miss this?

*dhtml:
Even without HTML5, i have done sites like that before na. Once the site loads, cache all the pages into arrays. So on clicking anything, the stuff comes up wether you ave connection or not - and this was like 5 years ago.

Can't you understand simple written English? He said Once the site loads. You should understand something before trying to find flaws. Talk about "people at your level" when you can't comprehend simple English.


Beaf:

Yes, you are talking for the sake of it. And you know what that does? It cuts you out as someone who is as incapable of critical thinking as the average frog.

*dhtml says he built a site similar to the one in question, to which I replied that the only way to do that in pre-HTML5 days would have been to use cookies. That was to suggest to him that he was very likely mistaken, but out you hopped off your tree branch like some nocturnal creature or bad winsh to argue with yourself!

Anyways, it is not impossible to store a website in cookies, especially if a dev has your abysmal level of intelligence. But bruv, to prove my conclusion about your IQ wrong, lets test you IQ:

  • What is the minimum size of a website?
  • What is the size of the website *dhtml built? Hint; the answer requires winsh power.
  • What is the maximum size of the pages in the website *dhtml built? Hint; the answer requires winsh power
  • What is the minimum size of a web page?
  • What stops any of the above being stored in a set of cookies if of suitable size?

Jump up and slap yourself after you have flunked all the questions above. TAWAI!! Sir, you make the word, stup!d seem like its a word of praise! Does it take practice and effort to be the way you are? Does it give you a headache?


Mobinga:

Oh now you're digressing? Fool. Look at this fool, explain how he would save the site in the cookies given the size limit, and retrieve them at will. LMFAO.

Cookies are set with headers you ignorant illiterate. Ignorant fool arguing about what he hasn't the slightest idea about. All these stems from your inability to grasp simple written English. What part of this below don't you understand?

*dhtml:
Once the site loads, cache all the pages into arrays. So on clicking anything, the stuff comes up wether you ave connection or not - and this was like 5 years ago. Of course, it is smoother with HTML5.

You still went on with your neonatal brain to state this :

Beaf:
But your arrays would have had to come from the server, except the arrays were saved to cookies.

LMFAO. What an ldiot. Next time understand before attempting to exhibit your unparalleled lunacy.


Beaf:

Mobinga:
Cookies are set with headers you ignorant illiterate.

What a grass eating baboon!!

So, what happens if being the dimwit you are, you decide to access a cookie with clientside JavaScript? Now that wouldn't require your glorious request headers or a server call. Would it? Headers my foot. You are truly a fool, sir and I am enjoying teaching you even if its like teaching a rock.

Dude, you can type in red font that is size, it wouldn't hide the fact that your head is empty. So now that the crap about headers has been cleared, can you take the lil IQ test? No dodging.

By the way, a couple of friends are looking for a place to store yams, stones, rocks, nails, iron rods, sand and cement. Since your head is vacant, can I rent the space? Easy cash na!

Animal go faint o!!


Mobinga:

Shut up morron. You're getting hurt? Further confirming you negligible intelligence.

Still running away from your gross lack comprehension? Your inability to comprehend written English is the root of this. I reiterate. What part of this below didn't you understand?

*dhtml:
Even without HTML5, i have done sites like that before na. Once the site loads, cache all the pages into arrays. So on clicking anything, the stuff comes up wether you ave connection or not - and this was like 5 years ago. Of course, it is smoother with HTML5.

Are you that slow? You went on to state this :

Beaf:
But your arrays would have had to come from the server, except the arrays were saved to cookies.

Damn. These are the kind of slow empty headed ldiots we have in Aso Rock. What a waste.


Beaf:

Lol! Imagine the huge rigmarole in order to avoid the IQ test I set for you. Dude, there is no harm in taking it, I only wanna check if your evolution has passed the stage of baboon.

Considering your particularly stup!d response about cookies and headers, I want to add a new riddle to test your patheticaly weak lil brain: Is it not possible to access cookies outside request headers?

After failing the IQ test above, feel free to repeat: Sir Beaf, my lord and master, I repent as a cut and nail coder; I am here to learn from you. And though mobinga is stup!d as a nematode, I know you are patient enough to teach, teach, teach. My lord Beaf, may your knowledge continue to mystify, baffle and discombobulate me.

Unu go wound o! Mobinga, the daft; WHAT IS A COOKIE? Do you even know?!


*dhtml:

I was not talking about cookies o jare. There has always been some form of local storage in HTML from time o jare (it has just gotten better with HTML 5). And when i said arrays, i could pass a serialized array from the server to javascript in form of json-encoded data - and i can store this into the local HTML cache (not HTML 5).

BTW, i was talking of what is called "IE userdata". In order to forestall further arguments - please see this thread o jare - http://stackoverflow.com/questions/7328126/html4-or-anything-pre-html5-offline-storage-what-how

@mobinga, take it easy o jare - i was probably lookin at a chic while typing my post. Feliz domingo y hasta la vista amigos (happy sunday and until we see again amigos)

Looking through the windshield

Again, enough. What more can be said? It's just sad to know that such are the ones who are the pioneers of the so-called African revolution. What can be done to fix this stupendous display of ignorance and overconfidence? The solution to this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise to the African programmer. However, considering the fact that his "research" is identical to googling, he may end up reading this article, which will consequently assign him the task to research, and then read this article again, get assigned the task to research, and then read this article again—forever continuing his unending quest to find answers to answers.

It's now evident how much the African programmer knows and how confidently and barefacedly he expresses his unknowingness. As you wield this knowledge, do well to also note that the author of this article is by no means an exception. It's a disease for all; perhaps an African canker.

Comments (2)

  1. ZacZac
    Nov 22, 2013 14:28 GMT

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  2. AdamAdam
    Nov 30, 2013 04:59 GMT

    Top post. I look forward for you to reading more. Cheers!

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